2021- Last Call

Well hello there 🙂 Welcome back and thank you for returning to read more of my rants! I ended up taking a much longer hiatus than I had intended (which, now that I think about it, I never intended to go missing at all), but I suppose in more ways than one I seemed to have needed it. So we’ll just go ahead and call it a mini vacay 😉

This topic has been kickin it on the back burner for a few weeks now, but I’ve found myself in the midst of mental and emotional chaos unfortunately often most recently. I’ve been desperately trying to avoid a full melt down, or at least find productive ways to distract myself from the constant wave of thoughts that have been bombarding my mind. The end of my year was a hard hitter. The overall madness in the outside world, and the troubling sadness of losing our dog was pressing and lonely. I completely felt lacking in inspiration and just kept putting off my blog drafts. After taking these few weeks to process, I’m ready to dive in, regardless of the storm and the conditions it may bring, I’ve gotta stick with this. It’s become my compass, record keeper, and therapeutic journal. The time away has absolutely been felt.

Ahead of ringing in the new year, I had a lot I had to think about, a lot of things I wanted to reflect on and ultimately build on. 2020 had turmoil and craziness to hand out in buckets, but I believe I learned a little something about myself… I seem to have an adverse response to chaos. Well… once I can get my mind right anyhow. The deep need to have a greater focus, a greater cause becomes a place that I HAVE to dwell in, otherwise I will totally lose my mind. After a time of tailspinning in the beginning of the pandemic, I had a moment- an epiphany if you will. That’s what led to me starting this whole blog in the first place. I wanted to publicly hold myself accountable, establish a routine, and give myself mile markers to see the plans at work and the progress. Thus far, when I’m dedicated and on schedule, this truly seems to work for me.

For a number of years now, being an artist has been quite important to me, and recently I’ve had a strong need to make the most of this passion. Either I make moves and push myself beyond these boundaries, or I move on and get back to the real world and find my place within society. If you know anything about me, you know how awful stating that second part was for me, because art IS my place. At least for now, and for a while. In realizing this, I promised myself that I would set a timeline, or a dead line. 2 years. In 2 years it’s either do or die, create or BUST. There’s never been a better or more perfect time in my life to make this happen for myself and for my art. Given the inner work I’ve been doing, the ambition 2020 has provided, and the inspiration of this new artsy city; I just can’t think of anywhere else I would rather be. I want to be an artist in Austin <3 Something about this place tells me that the style of work I create would be embraced here and all the other things I hope to offer as well. I feel more ready to go public than I have EVER felt. 

It was July 2020 when I began to take control of the steering wheel again. Begin the daily work, made some goals, and started to improve on my habits- both the good and the bad. Change and focus were my greatest needs, because I wanted to do this whole thing my way. I wanted the ability to work and sell art through any situation life decided to throw my way. One of the best things this pandemic revealed is how quickly “normal” can just go away, or change entirely.I had been working on creating a collection of work and wanted to start planning on going public with my work, maybe even plan to be in a show or art fair of some sort. I didn’t know exactly what direction I was heading in, but I could feel that I was desperate to MOVE. I had remained in such a creative funk on and off for a few years already, and even with my first solo show under my belt, I didn’t really feel all that great about where I was heading as a creative. Moving to Austin was going to change all of that, I promised myself that much at the very least. I still had a lot of “how” to work out, but I couldn’t be bothered with the details, at least not immediately. It wasn’t long after we made our move here that COVID became the new norm, and ever since the world has felt like it’s been standing on its head. My plans had to adjust, at least how I intended to keep making and selling art. Thankfully it led me to work on updating and customizing my existing website, and turning it into a fully functional online store. Much to my surprise this was way more challenging than I had anticipated, but in the process I have gained a great deal of skills and knowledge that will absolutely benefit me as I continue on. There is of course so much more to learn, but for the time being my foundation is nice and steady for the work that will be to come and my confidence has really come a long way in the interim as well. 

While discipline and bad habits are things I still struggle with, I’ve managed to work through a decent majority of the lack of focus and actually increased my productivity. Although the highs and lows of mania and depression are still my worst obstacle, I’m still fighting to stay above those waters and I have no plans to give in. I just know there isn’t a universe I want to exist in where I’m not making art, it’s truthfully the cornerstone of my sanity. Setting this deadline for myself feels necessary. If I decide to waste 2 more years and get nowhere, then I’ve got to accept that this must not be what I genuinely want… and that’s outright unacceptable to me. This is last call.

So here it is, my very public social contract in writing, my line in the sand- 

…2 years…

Here’s to

Making any and every move necessary 

Refining habits 

Growing technically as an artist

Working on discipline

And

Learning new skills to further my business and art goals 

I so have some new goals to line out 😀 and some old ones to cross off or revise to find my next steps. I hope to have a better thought out rant available for you next week… I think I’ll have to get the hang of posting again haha, I promise I’ll spend more time drafting so my rambles can make the most sense possible, without swerving all over the road haha

I hope your 2021 looks bright from where you stand, and if not I hope your goal is to make the sparks happen to light your path <3 As always I appreciate any eyes that find their way here and spend the time reading these posts. It really does mean so so very much to me <3 Sending lots of love into the ether, and if you need it, I hope it finds you.

Until Next Week

<3Miki Len