Commitment Issues
Happy Blog Day!!! Thank you for stopping by! This week, I’ll focus more on what actually brought me to start this blog. In short, I desired to build structure, consistency, and hold myself publicly accountable along the way. Thus far these practices in their early stages, are grooming a much healthier routine and head-space, which are really proving to be key ingredients to centering my world.
It seems to be pretty common, that as a creator, I too struggle a lot with mental and emotional imbalances. As it has been the case most of my life, I feel it has made me into who I am today. A 31 year old woman, easily overstimulated, highly emotional, and plague by my mind’s over creative abilities; but also, fixed with a curious mind and an insatiable need to relate to the world that my soul found itself materialized in. Almost without question, it feels natural that I would turn to the expression of art as my channel of communication. Ironically, the same afflictions that have driven and motivated my creative path, have also stood as obstacles in the process. I’ve grown tired of the unsustainable cycle, and I’ve committed myself to making the necessary changes.
Art has been my “full time” focus since around 2013, through time the ultimate goal has continued to morph. Acrylic paintings were the base of my work and commission sales, and though that seemed to work okay, I was constantly finding myself in a battle against distractions, artist block, and total loss of motivation. Without fail, each painting came with its set of struggles- the worst being a definite period of delay, and the following ensuing guilt I carried until I resumed and completed the work. This perpetuated into a problem that grew until my energy was drained and I was left with a very low sense of self. I started to take breaks from creating. Short breaks at first, that began to turn from days to weeks, and weeks to months. Having no interest in painting made me feel like a failure, and giving in solidified that feeling. Giving up felt like the obvious next step, creating stopped making me happy, but my soul would not be satisfied with that option. I decided then, to venture into new creative outlets to switch up the pace.
Curiosity has been a long time component, and learning new processes was a fulfilling way to continue to create. I got back into sewing, learned some macramé, crocheted my first blanket, and started 3D art out of recycled items and “junk”. The process of learning brought the necessary fulfillment, but would wind up leaving me bored midway through, and sent me right back to square one. A heap of half-finished projects, and only half the fulfillment I was seeking. This only increased my creative chaos and the original problem doubled. Multi-tasking worked in small crash courses, but burnout remained a looming shadow waiting to drown out my focused light… and nothing made me feel more invalid. Turmoil was the one constant in the cycle, and I kept finding myself barely staying above the tides, until eventually I washed up onto the shores of completed work, with no idea how I wound up there. What needs change? It felt rather easy to figure out where I fell short, but it was painful and difficult to face the facts. I lacked discipline, accountability, and failed to fully commit to project completion. I could accept lack of inspiration no longer as a worthy excuse, I needed real goals. I want to create, and I want to do so on my terms, and only now am I beginning to understand what that actually means. Success has always been the target, but in the art world “success” was ever-changing. But I’ve never been one to set the cruise control and remain in a single lane. I’m much more of the off-roading type. *wink*
I had to strategize my “attack”, wielding brutal honesty against my ill habits and saboteur. Distraction was my kryptonite, and I didn’t make much effort to avoid it or redirect. Patience, diligence, and practice would be my allies… and I devised a plan!
Plan-
*To Become a successful and professional creator*
Goals–
- Detailed time management
- Improve social media presence
- Learn/create marketable content
- Study/improve website
- Build consistency and increase online following
- Start a weekly blog
A pretty decent start, with room for revisions and additions when ready/necessary. I added this to a daily routine I had already been working to adapt to, and they managed to fit together seamlessly. At first, attempting to manage these tasks felt overwhelming, but in a rhythm it all flowed together. And on days that I managed to completely everything I set out to do, I felt pretty unstoppable. I still leave room for improvement, because some days the motivation is harder to find than others, and some days a break isn’t such an awful thing. At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself of, and all the while reminding myself, to be kinder and gentler to me. Without the pressure and consumption of time that a normal “9-5” consists of, I’m forever searching for purpose in my actions/existence, and being able to see the accomplishments on a day to day basis, gives peace so graciously to my soul.
At this current junction, I’m proud of myself, and inspired to continue to do the work! The improvement in tasks and art projects is noticeable, and I feel pretty stinking amazing about it. This blog is a daily reminder that structure can give so many benefits to my life, and growing an audience has been quite satisfying. In my progressive state, I’ve completely redesigned my website, added an art shop, and slowly but surely have increased traffic to the site. I’ve taken on learning different apps for content and marketing purposes (including digital art), and watching Youtube videos and reading blogs to add substance and framework to my skill set. I’m fixing these commitment issues, because I’m truly infatuated with creating and doing it in a new way 🙂 These are the baby steps.
I’ll end my long winded rant here… I should probably save some thoughts for future blogs hehe. I hope you return next Thursday for more art rambles! Sending out my love and gratitude for loaning me your time and attention. I hope your week is amazing! See you next Thursday 🙂
<3 Miki Len
