Creativity- Mania vs. Block

Hi friends, Happy Blog Day! My last week has been a whirlwind, mostly chaotic, and I can’t say I’ve been as productive as I would like. This week our subject is inspired by the frequent ups and downs I’ve run into as a creative spirit. Any artists reading this… here is your trigger warning haha

Around this time last week, I was flying high! Still riding the launch of my new ArtShop and the success of the first week. To-do lists were all checked off, and every immediate goal I moved toward each day, was suddenly behind me. What now? It made the most sense to continue to make and add more Paper Hearts and Charming Skulls to my inventory. As I got started on my work, I hit a number of upsets- I ran out of a few key supplies, shipments I was expecting were delayed (or somehow sent to the Houston address?!), and I had found out the day I launched my website, that it needed updating and security…. I obviously didn’t make it too far in my art ventures with the lack of products, lots of order junk to untangle, and now a site I had to rebuild. Truly I just needed the supplies I had ordered so I could stay on task. So much was already floating around in my head and I feel like my brain has been randomly shorting out ever since hahaha. I really had only one option while I awaited supply… I would have to start rebuilding the site I had JUST spent weeks on… yaayy….. 

I mentioned before how I had found out about my site being out of date on the same day I launched the shop. Thankfully, since the virtual opening, I had been busy with packing up and shipping art (along with other priorities I had previously neglected) this allowed me to avoid the inevitable for at least the first week. Oh! The best part…. A site update, meant a new site builder to figure out. I was unsure of how to feel about it all, but I needed my site to be at its best, so I would take the time to learn. Truth was, I felt unbearably spent, and I couldn’t manage to shake it. 

I had gone from days of focused endgames, to sitting and feeling too tired to think of what I needed to prioritize, not to mention actually putting action behind my “to-dos”. It was clear what I needed to be doing, but my capacity was totally cashed out, and I lost 3 whole days to aimless tasks, only half done, and so much more sitting and staring into nothing. This really started to get to me, as much as I tried to focus and work with the new builder (which was pretty easy) my efforts were short lived. Sadly, the results were quite lackluster to say the least (I intend to dedicate a whole blog post to that soon). My brain was teflon, and I was trying my best to burn in the information I was taking in but had ZERO luck. Distractions were constantly tempting me and I was growing annoyed and uninspired, quick. I was sinking to the bottom, again. I just couldn’t let that happen, I always wind up lost down there…

Since the current live website works well and will remain active as it is for the rest of October, I decided I could continue my supply waiting game making Xmas gifts for my nieces and nephews. My ideas were pretty set so I switched to auto pilot and dived in. It was a mere matter of minutes before my studio was thrashed with materials and supplies as I sat in the midst happily creating away. I hardly noticed the days and hours that passed while I worked away at these little projects, and I had completely forgotten about the new site I had to rebuild.. And if I’m being honest, it felt pretty great to forget about it for a short while. I was where I needed and wanted to be, and I was pleased with the progress on the work I had begun, even if I was off track just a little bit. At least I was motivated and creating, right??

Monday and Tuesday brought to me what I have been waiting for, for at least 10 days now. All of the shipments I had been expecting arrived, and all issues with orders had been completely resolved, everything was getting back on track! Problem was, I had loaded my bandwidth with new projects, and I was really feeling the pressure now that I had the supplies to reload my shop inventory… This made my brain start shorting out again, but I had to remain productive and focused. I just want to be a juggling art maker! But that hasn’t exactly worked out the best for me in the past. It’s a pattern that I fall into all the time. 

The ebb and flow seems to never end, I’m either overwhelmed and ultra inspired, or overwhelmed and brain dead from the mosh pit of thoughts pummeling each other in my head. Often I allow the lows to get the best of me, being annoyed becomes the biggest shadow in the room, and I don’t feel inspired to move as much as I feel the need to over analyze nonsense. For whatever reason the downward spiral is attractive in an involuntary sense, it pulls and tugs at the slightest insecurities or inconveniences. This occurrence alone has caused me to abandon projects, cover paintings, and even take extended breaks from creating, all of which is awful for my overall wellbeing. I felt like I could finally see this breakdown from the outside, instead of from the center of the chaos, and at last I felt empowered to direct my thoughts productively. 

My last week has been tough, but I’ve kept moving the best that I can even if my sights are fogged by heightened emotions and short attention spans. It seems this is another habit that I will be undoing and redirecting, and I’m betting it’s going to take me some time to find the antidote to the disorienting mind chatter. I can’t say I’ve ever been so committed to aim for the heights and hope to ride the tail winds as often as possible, but I also want to learn to enjoy the drops. To learn to hit them with enough momentum and direction to climb another incline just to feel the rush of the high, over and over again. I see this being a learning and growing process overall, I only need to keep my mind from doing it’s normal excessive runaround. 

So, as I sit here writing and editing this blog entry, I feel content with the acknowledgement of this cycle, and even have reinstated my daily habit of managing lists of priorities. That alone feels pretty good to be mindful and aware of. 

This will end my rambling for the week. I hope if there are any creatives reading this (or anyone in general that struggles with extreme highs and lows in productivity) keep pushing to nourish your healthy habits and artistic processes. Lows can seem unavoidable, but they also seem manageable when viewed from the right angle. Don’t let doubts or lack of inspiration keep your art from making its entrance into this realm <3 

Until next week, I hope you all have a great weekend! Thank you again for your time and attention.

<3 Miki Len