Farm Life- A Self Love Retreat

Happy Thursday! It’s blog day! I’m so excited to be back behind the keyboard and telling my little life stories and realizations on this wild journey. I hope this entry finds you well, healthy, and evolving. Wherever this may find you, I hope it finds you with love.

Life’s been on a never ending course of change for me since the beginning of the year, and thankfully this change has really inspired a lot of growth within. In my previous entry I touched on some of the major transitions I’ve been working to adjust to and heal with. This entry I wanted to dive deeper into the healing journey I’ve been on and how my current location has offered so many lessons through the laws of nature, intentful self awareness, and self discovery.

At the end of May, I was finally and completely moved out of the apartment in Austin, with the help of my badass friend Chyla. Seriously though, I can’t imagine what I would have done without her, because there’s no way I could have done much of the moving by myself. All of my things had to be moved from the 3rd floor, down 4 flights of stairs, and not everything was easy to carry or light haha. Without a doubt my friend came through every time I was in need, and it took 3 trips over 3 weekends to get everything packed and moved to storage. It was truly a bittersweet relief to close that door for the last time knowing I would never return.

There was a lot to sort through upon settling here, I still struggled to truly accept and believe what was happening to my life, and what was happening to my marriage. Emotionally I was still a bit all over the place, and rather tender some days more than others. I shuffled through feelings constantly, sometimes I was angry, and other times I was broken and felt hopeless. Regardless of the emotion, I couldn’t keep myself from the frequent cleanse that crying brought. I was learning how to allow my feelings to be present, to honor them, feel them, and understand them. I hated this process with everything in me, I was tired of crying. I was tired of the mental and emotional exhaustion that came with every fit, but I still gave myself the space and let it be as it needed to be. I started to focus inward and used tools like self help books, therapy, and meditation to keep my mind from destroying itself. Through these emotional spells, these tools have given me clarity and the will to keep using them to improve.

My daily routine keeps me sane, and lets me see the growth that has taken place in the time that I have been here. Each day I awake to snuggles with Lola (a precious lil kitty), yoga and meditation, followed by coffee and feeding the chickens. After feeding I typically spend some time in the work shop with my friend Chyla prepping and assembling bird toys, and recently I started helping feed Mama Georgia’s birds. There are times that my days are a bit off, but for the most part I’ve developed a disciplined morning routine that gives me a lot of stability to get through my day, and to feel better overall.

Since March I wake up no later than 7am most days, but on average just before 6am is about the time my eyes start to peek around. Most mornings it takes me a bit to get off the couch, usually because of Lola cuddles, but sometimes I get sucked into my phone. I force myself up, and take my place on the patio deck to connect back to this realm. With my yoga mat laid out, I light my Sage, Palo Santo, and incense; and say my prayers of gratitude and get to my stretches and poses. Structurally I’ve been in pretty rough shape for about half of my life. A car accident left my back and hips in horrible shape, and truthfully I haven’t kept up the maintenance of caring for and strengthening those areas either. It’s rather incredible how far I can see I’ve come since I started making it my priority at the start of each day. My pain has lessened dramatically and my endurance, strength, and flexibility have increased remarkably. I still have a lot of work to do and intend on continuing, but for right now I’m pleased with the the progress of these efforts. Feeling the benefits seriously motivates me.

Feeding the chickens has really become the highlight of my day. I started feeding them to help out while Chyla had gone out of town. Upon her return I requested to keep the chore of feeding because of how happy it made me (there seems to be a silly and quite cute story that goes with why I assume I adore feeding so much, I’ll save that for the end). Every morning I head out to the stalls with my headphones providing a little bit of light theme music, I check on the garden, and head to the feed can. Each stall is bustling with hens and roosters of many different species (I had no clue there were so many kinds of chickens haha). Everyone gets a hello, some fresh food and fresh water, and a “see you tomorrow!” I’ve grown to love caring for them, watching out for the chicks, collecting stray feathers, and naming the ones that take to me. While there are many sweet and fun moments in taking care of these birds, I’ve also been met with the harsh reality of nature and how tough things are just a part of the cycle of life as a whole.

A pet cemetery sits out in a wooded area on the farm, where animals that have passed are taken to rest. I didn’t have to make many trips in the beginning, but in the last 2 weeks I’ve had to walk myself back there almost daily to bury a number of animals that just didn’t make it. Since I spent my younger years on a ranch, these kind of scenarios aren’t unfamiliar to me, and so death doesn’t traumatize me, but a piece of my soul does ache a bit every time. For days I carried and buried little souls, reconnecting them to the Earth and returning them to where they came. Oddly in this time, metaphorically I was burying things that no longer contained life in my realm. Somehow it seemed quite necessary to experience this cycle so closely, and observe the truth of existence and returning what has died to Mother, for life to take over, consume, and recycle. This gave me a really raw perspective on what I’m going through, burying and cycling. With each shallow grave I dug, with mindful meditation I laid these animals in the ground, and with them I laid down that which no longer thrived in my own life. With each walk back to finish my chores, I stepped metaphorically back into the chore of taking care of my spirit and my heart. Fully knowing that I had left death to be overwhelmed with life, to ultimately be given the chance at a new and transformed life after the break down and decay. I’ve been clinging to this metaphor and in her most mysterious of ways, Mother is teaching me to accept the ebb and flow of all that is. To release and let go…. To weed and to sow….

I feel like that’s a good place to end this entry, this metaphorical lesson has become so profound for me that I think it’s a good one to leave to simmer. I appreciate any eyes who have wandered here to read my ramblings, it really means so much to me that anyone would take the time to stop in. Truly, thank you for being here. Don’t be afraid to say hi! Drop a like or comment and just let me know you’re out there 😉 Sending lots of love out, and wishing you a great upcoming weekend! We’ll see if I can return to my weekly posting, but for now I won’t be making any promises…. So I’ll see ya again soonish <3

Mikayla Castillo

Ps. A little story from my childhood that I mentioned above… Recently my mother reminded me of something I used to do as a small child. Most kids have imaginary friends, I suppose because I lived out on a ranch it would explain why I had imaginary chickens. I carried around a raisin box filled with small rocks everywhere I went, and my chickens always came along hahaha. My box was filled with “chicken food” and I scattered my rocks around to feed my chickens. 😀 I had forgotten all about this time in my life, I’m pretty sure I had to have been around 4, but I remembered the minute my mom posted a pic of a raisin box on my Facebook. This little story tickled me a bit when I realized that something clicked with my inner child when I begin I feeding the chickens here on the farm. Scattering the chicken scratch about and talking with my new little friends brought me back to a place of pure joy that somehow still existed deep in my soul. I get to revisit this connection and find this happy innocence each morning with my real chicken friends <3

It’s a goofy little story, but one that warms my heart in a sweet, strange way. I thought I’d pass it along for a little giggle <3