Searching for the “Dream World”
I sit and think of the abundance of realizations and lessons that 2020 alone has left me with. This spirit feels like it’s been crushed, squeezed, pureed, molded and frozen into a new temporary shape. So many buttons have been pushed, and a lot of people are set off in one instance or another. Feelings and emotions are at an outrageous high, and people no longer see people when they look at others whom they don’t agree with. … and that’s what is most unsettling to me.
It seems relatively easy to me, with the upbringing I was given and with the reassurance of the sermons and teachings of church officials, as well as other religious leaders. The message has always seemed rather clear to me- Love one another. Love thy neighbor as you love yourself. Love your brother as I have loved you. In short, Love others, period. Granted this isn’t the easiest practice, in fact there’s a lot about it that can be challenging at times. I’ve found myself stuck in many situations where I have struggled to find the best expression of love in the midst of a highly inflamed situation. It’s easy to find the love, but it isn’t so easy to express it when you have a multitude of valid and upset feelings, regardless you know the love is still there. From what I was taught this was a really important part of my character development, and I had assumed the same went for most everyone else. The older I get the more I struggle with the reality that people in fact don’t exercise this mantra, even those who know exactly which scripture the “Golden Rule” passage is found in. It genuinely blows my mind.
I look at people and I see myself. I see the happiness I’ve felt, the love I’ve experienced, and the many valuable lessons that have made me who I am. Likewise, I see mistakes, I see trauma, and I see humility… I know that within myself and my life time I have been through a number of different chapters, and each of them has humbled me in one way or the other. Essentially leaving me as one who is always looking at life filtered through the understanding of my own faults, my own humanity. Flaws give me the realest reasons on Earth to fall in love with a person’s existence, I relate easily with people who’ve had tattered pasts. It’s likely because I’ve been wandering through a life of unfavorable situations and the horrible coping mechanisms I used in an attempt to find my way. I love the realness, the raw truth, and the opportunity for evolution, the new page, and ultimately the road to redemption. If most folks are honest with themselves, they’ve found themselves in a place where they had to face their shortcomings, hold themselves responsible, and actively find the best way to grow beyond. For these exact reasons it shouldn’t be so hard to see ourselves when we see someone else lost in a dark place of existence… but still we manage to overlook them, or dehumanize them for not thinking the way that we do ourselves. Somewhere down the line the lives of “different” people aren’t seen to be as important as those wielding the more popular opinions and traditions.
Sometimes I get to feel the small thrust of the tides sent out by small yet powerful actions. Where I live, I have been blessed with the atmosphere of an intensely friendly city, with happy people all around. Here I see more people who are self motivated, confident, and accountable for their actions. Never have I seen so many people who hold the door open, return the shopping cart, put their trash in their pocket in the absence of a waste basket. People are smiley, helpful, and more often than I’ve experienced in my life, strangers say “hello” and frequently it’s accompanied with a “How are you?” or “How’s it going”, and they genuinely want to know, even if only in passing. Eye contact is common, horns aren’t blaring in bad traffic, and most people will let you get over when you put your blinker on. People of all ages, races, religions, orientations, political parties, etc- they exist and co habitat here, and I’ve yet to run into more than 10 rude people in my last year (and I’ve unfortunately been known for having a super sensor for rude behavior) It’s as though collectively Austin has decided that we’re cool with people being different, in fact we wouldn’t have it any other way. Different is the cornerstone to what makes life so great, and it’s treated with great respect. We recognize the various cultures to explore and admire, we have many historical religions to study and understand, not to mention the vast styles of art, music, and food. The lifestyles and innovations are endless, and the traditions and rituals hold the deeper meaning of celebrating the joy of life and the gift that existence ultimately is.
As a woman of color, of Native American/Spanish decent, who is mostly atheist, legally married to a woman, and an artist who enjoys my right to free speech (among lots of other great American rights), I very much hope that at no point my rights are voted against, and my world is left to the whim of anyone who doesn’t live my life or agree with my right to do so freely. I’ve lost a great deal of people who feel that my need to protect my rights and not face discrimination for my mere existence, is ludacris and dramatic. All that does is remind me that we don’t put ourselves in each other’s shoes enough, and we mostly only care about what affects us. Nothing has been harder to accept than the fact that people think you shouldn’t be given the same freedom as everyone else, and in the same breath say how “loved” you are regardless of “differences” in beliefs. It’s rather exhausting the amount of times I’ve heard this, and how normal it seems for people to just gloss over. My wife and I are the “favorite lesbian couple” among our peers and have still somehow been subject to the vocal opinion of what one’s religion says about our marriage… a so called “friend” needed me to know I was going hell, but that we were loved even still. It’s sad to see how we judge each other and put one another down based on our belief systems, it’s why I won’t choose a religion for myself (Despite being raised a Christian). I don’t believe in hell after death, I believe we create our own hell right here on Earth. I believe our resistance toward loving and accepting one another, and the fact that we ARE each other- is the hell we are currently enduring right now. Until we see beyond the melanin, the beliefs, the lifestyles, the habits… until we see the body of water, air filled lungs, the pumping blood, and the truth of our collective mortality- we won’t reach heaven. Not here.
I desire to live among populations of people who are far too focused on loving their people, that they have no time or impulse to hate others. I hope to exist in a dimension where we as a species see the power in the potential we possess as innovators, healers, and creators, and we move toward developing the world we want our younger generations to thrive in. I pray that we find ourselves/our loved ones in the eyes of those we perceive as the enemy or as the “other”, that we acknowledge the sacred presence of their soul and their significance to their loved ones as well. I hope we can see the limited time we actually have, how a lifetime is really only a blink of an eye. I hope we choose to move in a way that makes life more enjoyable, more meaningful, and with true substance, not only for ourselves but for the souls who live among us. My most sincere hope is that we begin to see through and past the manipulative divisive bullshit dressed up as hope. No matter who it is that’s dressing up. May it eventually be frowned upon to expect the rights of others to be limited or taken away because they don’t align with how certain groups think and feel.
I don’t believe in a perfect existence, but I believe in an elevated life experience, whatever your path, faith, ideology, race, etc… I believe you matter. Even if you believe that because of who I am, that I don’t…
<3
Miki Len
Ps. I promise to write something much less heavy next week. I appreciate you all for bearing with this state of my world, and my mind. Thank you for the time invested and giving my rambles an audience. I just wanna say I love you, and I can’t express just how much I mean that.
“You see heaven isn’t some place that we go to when we die, it’s that split second in life where we actually feel alive.” -Eyedea aka Michael Larsen <3
